Taffney's Place, The art of kissing

ELNino Kiss. Those who went though the winter The storms here on the West Coast know what I'm talking about! This is a kiss with entirely too much water. You are drooled on, slobbered on and when the kiss is over, you feel the need for a towel and maybe a shower. If you have a salivary gland problem, or your partner just makes you drool with lust, try SWALLOWING before you start KISSING !!!!!	The Iguana. Crusty, crunchy, scaly lips are OUT. This is a true case of lizard lips! Keep that kisser soft and touchable. If you run your lips gently across your lovers neck, cheek and lips, they shouldn't be left with what look like paper cuts.
The Prozac Kiss.You might wonder if this tongue needs tranquilizers, as it appears to be having a nervous breakdown! Fast, furious, darting or high-speed swirling cycle. Interesting I suppose, if you're into that sort of "household instrument" thing.	The Cave. In this instance your partner's mouth is open so wide that your tongue meets nothing but air on all sides! There is no exchange of sensation. It's like you're kissing by yourself! Try saying something and see if you hear an echo!
The Dirty Harry. Guys, either grow a beard or shave. That 5 o'clock shadow thing looks cute, but it can wreck havoc on a woman's tender body. Whisker burn just plain hurts. You don't know what it feels like to have sand papery stubble pierce the skin around your eyes or cheeks! With half her face scraped off, a woman feels less than romantic and is more inclined to get up to seek medical treatment than she is to get busy.	Trolling for Tonsils. Everybody likes tongue kissing, but my goodness! A little restraint on the depth of the kiss might be in order. If you have a tendency to extend your tongue to its full length in your partners mouth, be sure to check for a pulse when you get through.
The Kiss of Death. You would swear that there is a body buried around here somewhere, because the smell of decomposition is mighty strong! Brush those teefis! Use one of the vast selections of mouthwashes on the market. Hey, they even come in various colors, so it's possible to find one that coordinates with your bathroom decor! Get a new toothbrush every 3 months! Visit your dentist and check for gum disease and cavities, both of which contribute to bad breath. Eat more fruits, vegetables, and drink more water to keep your insides clean too.	The best kisses are those that are memorable, but leave you pantingly wanting more. The language of a kiss is to communicate attraction, affection, love, passion, lust, and I'll miss you, baby. Pay attention to what your mate responds to, and what seems to turn him or her off, then adjust your techniques accordingly. The goal is to go down in history as a man or woman with some serious Lip Skillz. Here's Some kisses from Dr Rudes articles

Cartesian kiss -- A particularly well-planned and coordinated movement: "I think,therefore, I aim." In general, a kiss does not count as Cartesian unless it is applied with enough force to remove all doubt that one has been kissed. (cf. Polar kiss, a more well-rounded movement involving greater nose-to-nose contact, but colder overall.)	Heisenbergian kiss -- a hard-to-define kiss--the more it moves you, the less sure you are of where the kiss was; the more energy it has, the more trouble you have figuring out how long it lasted. Extreme versions of this type of kiss are known as "virtual kisses" because the level of uncertainty is so high that you're not quite sure if you were kissed or not. Virtual kisses have the advantage, however, that you need not have anyone else in the room with you to enjoy them.
Nietzscheian kiss -- "she/he who does not kiss you, makes your lust stronger."	Epimenidian kiss -- a kiss given by someone who does not kiss.
Grouchoic kiss -- a kiss given by someone who will only kiss those who would not kiss him or her.	Harpoic kiss -- shut up and kiss me.
Zenoian kiss -- your lips approach, closer and closer, but never actually touch.	Procrustean kiss -- well, suffice it to say that it is a technique that, once you've experienced it, you'll never forget it, especially when applied to areas of the anatomy other than the lips.
Aristotelian kiss -- a kiss performed using techniques gained solely from theoretical speculation untainted by any experiential data by one who feels that the latter is irrelevant anyway.	Hegelian kiss -- a dialiptical technique in which the kiss incorporates its own antithikiss,forming a synthekiss.
Wittgensteinian kiss -- the important thing about this type of kiss is that it refers only to the symbol (our internal mental representation we associate with the experience of the kiss--which must necessarilly also be differentiated from the act itself for obvious reasons and which need not be by any means the same or even similar for the different people experiencing the act) rather than the act itself and, as such, one must be careful not to make unwarranted generalizations about the act itself or the experience thereof based merely on our manipulation of the symbology therefore.	Godelian kiss -- a kiss that takes an extraordinarilly long time, yet leaves you unable to decide whether you've been kissed or not. Now, this is by no means an exhaustive list--here are just a few other classic kisses:
Socratic kiss -- actually really a Platonic kiss, but it's claimed to be the Socratic technique so it'll sound more authoritative; however, compared to most strictly Platonic kisses, Socratic kisses wander around a lot more and cover more ground.	Kantian kiss -- a kiss that, eschewing inferior "phenomenal" contact, is performed entirely on the superior "noumenal" plane; though you don't actually feel it at all, you are, nonetheless, free to declare it the best kiss you've ever given or received.
Sartrean kiss -- a kiss that you worry yourself to death about even though it really doesn't matter anyway.	Russell-Whiteheadian kiss -- a formal kiss in which each lip and tongue movement is rigorously and completely defined, even though it ends up seeming incomplete somehow.
Hertzsprung-Russellian kiss-- Oh, Be A Fine Girl/Guy, Kiss Me.
	Kissing is probably the most physically romantic two people can get. There really is no wrong way to kiss. The thing to remember is that everybody kisses differently and different people prefer different ways of kissing. Some people, believe it or not, are appalled at the idea of French Kissing or using your tongue while you kiss. While others can't imagine kissing without using your tongue. The thing is to try kissing that person a few times before deciding how you and your partner prefer kissing and to get used to the way that person kisses. A first kiss should always be done while the two of you are alone. This will help to avoid any unnecessary nervousness and embarrassing situations. The best type of kiss is one that uses different variations, such as starting with a small kiss, working into a French Kiss, maybe sucking on your partner's upper or lower lip, then trying the other two types. And don't just leave kisses to the lips. Kiss their cheeks, their chin or their eyelids. This can be very seductive and romantic. The perfect kiss is one that is done with someone you really care about. There is more caring and sincerity in a kiss with someone special than with someone you hardly know, although a really good kiss can certainly bring two people closer together. A lot of people have been writing to us on how to overcome the fear of kissing someone. Our answer would be to not kiss that person right away. Wait until an attraction builds between the two of you and a romantic situation evolves. Go out with the person a couple of times before having that first kiss.